QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.
PHOTO: SHINY TROPHY IS SHINY.
Mauricio Cienfuegos and Alexi Lalas struggle to life the massive, MASSIVE, MLS Cup trophy. Careful boys, don’t cut yourself on the those vicious looking points. (AP Photo)
DEMOGRAPHICS SAY YOU PROBABLY WEREN’T ALIVE THE LAST TIME THE US PLAYED FRANCE.
The last time the US played in against Les Bleus in France, Jimmy Carter was still in office and I was seven days old. // NYT Goal Blog
THE CULTURE, THE ANCIENT HISTORY, THE GOOFY CAMEL SHOTS.
Atletico Madrid went to Giza to check out the pyramids, hilarity ensued. // Fubolita
JUSTIN BIEBER IS A TERRIBLE FOOTBALL FAN. I NOW EXPECT TO BE ACCOSTED BY A MOB OF TEENAGE GIRLS AT ANY MOMENT.
Justin Bieber made a visit to Chelsea’s training ground, declared himself a Chelsea fan despite the fact that he once declared himself a Barca fan. // CaughtOffside
HOORAY FOR CHARITABLE SYMBOLS BEING MISAPPROPRIATED BY HATEFUL JACKASSES. WAIT, I MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
Poppygate gave the far-right anti-immigration group EDL an excuse to climb up on top of FIFA headquarters and hijack the “issue.” Good job, everyone involved. Blargh. // video via 101GG
IT’S GOOD TO KNOW PLAYERS WHO DON’T MAKE IT HAVE SOMETHING TO FALL BACK ON.
Ex-Burnley player supplements his post-playing income by being some shirtless guy on a chat line or something. // Beat the First Man
MESSI OR RONALDO IS THE NEW COKE OR PEPSI. RONALDO IS PEPSI.
Portugal hit Bosnia for a Euro playoff, where fans were waiting to chant “Messi, Messi” at Cristiano Ronaldo. Because that seems like a worthwhile activity. // Dirty Tackle
PHOTO: AS YOU WERE. EXPECT NEW RUMORS NEXT WEEK.
So Neymar isn’t going to Europe until after World Cup 2014 if you buy that contracts are always honored until their completion. Because no one ever leaves in the middle of a contract. Nope. (Reuters)
STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD IT: FIVE CHILEAN PLAYERS GO TO A BAPTISM…
Five Chilean players, including Juventus midfielder Arturo Vidal, will be left out of the national team because they got drunk and missed curfew. After a baptism for one of the players’ daughters. Ah, South America… // Soccernet
EXCUSE ME, BUT MAY I SCAN YOUR HEAD?
Bromley players are getting their hair cut into QR codes because Betfair is paying them to. Weird. // Off the Post
THE BEST, AND PROBABLY ONLY, THING YOU’LL READ ABOUT SALIVA TODAY.
Spitting is probably not the worst thing a footballer can do. It’s still really gross though. // SB Nation
OFF TO A CHILEAN BAPTISM THEN.
I’ve heard they’re a blast. While we’re gone, hit us up on Twitter (we respond to tweets!) and Facebook (we have a page!). I expect we’ll be on that plus thingy as some point, but since I’m not in charge of those things, I have no idea when. Social media is super awesome.