QWK KCKS is our way of helping you get your day started with a refreshing blast of football culture right in your face.
| PHOTO: HMM. I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR THE ‘EXTRAORDINARY CONGRESS.’ |
UEFA held something called the “XXXVI UEFA Ordinary Congress” yesterday in Istanbul. There were decisions made, like that whole “peace deal” with the European Club Association. (GETTY IMAGES)
| I’M VERY WORRIED THIS WILL TEAR A HOLE IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM FOR SOME REASON. |
Here’s a video of the new English Sounders commentator interviewing the old English Sounders commentator. Arlo and Ross sounds like a song and dance team from the ’30s. // Sounder at Heart
| STEP ONE: JOEY INSULTS PEOPLE, REFERENCES MASTURBATION. STEP TWO: JOEY SAYS HE WAS JUST BEING IRONIC. |
Joey Barton lashed out on Twitter because someone dare to count how many of his passed were successful. Statistics are ruining football, you sad lonely people. // The Footy Blog
| HEY LOOK, A COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS WAG. IT’S FUN WHEN PEOPLE LIVE UP TO STEREOTYPES. |
Melissa Johnson—whose husband, Roger, showed up to Wolves training drunk—tweeted her displeasure that he husband wasn’t starting. I’m not exactly sure why Terry Connor was compelled to respond, but whatever. // Off the Post
| PHOTO: JOE CORONA IS MILES AWAY FROM ORDINARY. SORRY. |
Mix Diskerud and Joe Corona celebrate one of Joe’s three goals against Cuba last night in CONCACAF Olympic qualifying. The Baby Nats have the best names. (REUTERS)
| WOW, THE BRITS HAVE A MINISTRY FOR EVERYTHING. SEEMS WASTEFUL IN THIS ECONOMY. |
Get your Arsenal loo rolls, shouts this guy, who is apparently the Minister of Toilet Rolls. I believe it’s mostly a ceremonial position. // Futbolita
| THE WORST KIND OF FALL REVEALED TO US THE BEST KIND OF PLAYER. |
Fabrice Muamba fell in the way we never hope to see an athlete fall, and pulled us all along by the heartstrings in the process. // Grantland
| THIS IS EXACTLY HOW WE WOULD HAVE TREATED THIS IF WE HAD REMEMBERED TO POST ON IT. |
Well, we’re not Deadspin, but the tone would have been the same. Syrian TV falls for hoax that claims Barca was sending messages to Syrian rebels through their play. // Deadspin
| PHOTO: FOOTBALL COMES OUT FOR MUAMBA. TAKE YOUR CRITICISMS ELSEWHERE. |
The backlash on praise for the show of support for Fabrice Muamba is stupid. Period. (GETTY IMAGES)
| HOLDING AN INQUIRY ARE THEY? SOUNDS VERY OFFICIAL. I’M HOLDING AN INQUIRY INTO MISSING STAPLERS MYSELF. |
Clive Palmer, the Gold Coast United owner kicked out of the league for being a bit prickly, is planning an “inquiry” into Australian soccer. Crowd sourcing is the best, right? // ABC.net.au
| RUSSIAN OLIGARCHS GET ALL CASH-SPLASHY WHEN THEY’RE DESPERATE. DID I SAY ‘DESPERATE’? I MEANT ‘BREATHING’. |
Report: Roman Abromovich is tired of wasting money on mangers who don’t cut the mustard, so he’s offering Pep Guardiola the gross domestic product of Andorra to coach Chelsea. // Bleacher Report
| THIS ORDINARY CONGRESS IS DEAD. I HEAR CONMEBOL IS HAVING AN OUTRAGEOUS PARLIAMENT LATER. WE SHOULD TOTALLY GO. |
First order of business at the outrageous parliament? Jello shots and a round of strip Twister. Maybe Sir Dave Richards will fall in the pool. And George Clinton will be there, of course. Follow us, like us. Bang.
